Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in my kitchen in London with Tom Wrigglesworth.

How long has it been, Tom Wrigglesworth? / Uh, hello. It's been, oh, uh, about a year or something like that / ... I was gonna try to explain that ... when you arrived, you went, "Oh, god" ... You saw our dog. And, uh ... the last time you saw her, she was, like, a ... a handful, / Yeah, / and now she is, uh, ... / When I __ ... / ... waist-high. / ... the dog ... the dog barked in a ... in a ... you know, deep, guttural, proper dog ... / a proper ... / Yeah. a proper dog / a proper ... yeah. /... And then I realized ... / ... voice is broken, / Ages / ruff, ruff, ruff ... / The last time you saw her, she was like, "yip, yip" / Yeah. She is a moody teenager dog now. / Yeah. That is how long we haven't been to see each other for. My dog's ... / Ages. / ... gone through puberty ... since ... since we saw you last. / ... Uh ... what have we got coming up on the show today? Uh ... have you got anything, Tom ? / __ __ __ / You ... you usually bring a feature, don't you ? / Yeah ... or two. / Or two. / Or ... you know, / I'm gonna put ... / I often have ... Yeah, you've got ... he's making a list of features as well. / Well, I'm writ ... I'm writing the word "Features", underlining there, at top of a piece of paper. It's now ... we are ready to go now 'cause I've got ... I've got ... I might have a quiz for you. / OK. / ... Uh ... I might have ... what else have we got ? ... I've got to pull some stuff from the newspapers, we've got today's newspapers for a light-hearted gamble through them ... and we've got Celebrity Out Of Context Bingo, which, I don't know if you remember the feature. / I ... I __ ... Hey, a bit ago, I ... / It's really up and running as well now. / Well, I've ... I've been on the receiving end of that ... / Have you ? / ... as in "I was the celebrity out of context". / Let's hold it back. / OK. / It's the kinda thing that listeners will go, "Oh, I'd like to hear that." / I'll ... I'll stick ... "I'll stick around" / "I'll stick around" / OK. / "I'll give it ten minutes", which is ... uh ... the oft-heard cry of the Radio Wales listener ... "I'll give it ten minutes", / "I'll give it ten ..." ? / ... they shout. Um ... I'm trying to think ... I wanna stand up 'cause I wanna look on the floor to see what else we've got. Hold the fort, Tom. / OK. Um ... __ __ __ ... as I walked in, though, ... it's worth pointing out ... Rhod was sat on a stool, and I thought something was a bit weird. ... / I'm not sure if this is worth pointing out, this. / No, no, because you were, like, massively high, and you were way above the microphone and the wires were all tight and weird. It's only when it started that you realized ... about / 30 seconds before we started / Yeah yeah yeah, and ... / I realized ... yeah. / Yeah. / ... I'm not sure whether it's worth pointing out, though. I ... / __ __ / I changed from a stool to a chair before the show, listeners. / 背もたれのない腰掛けから背もたれのある椅子に座り直した ... って、言って何の意味がある？ / Yeah, but you were sat on the stool __ / Mate, people've given it ten minutes. ... What's the use of something like that ... to tell them that? ... This is irony for you, Tom. Is this irony, Tom Wrigglesworth ? / さて、オレがこれから言うことは、アイロニーか？ / Could be. ... Might be just coincidence. A lot of people get the two confused. / OK. Well, you'll be the judge. / OK. / I was reading something that said, "The average Brit spends nearly six years of their life daydreaming." I just read that, and I was, kind of, like, just thinking about that / Just thinking about it, yeah. / ... and the song ended, and I almost got caught out. / イギリス人は一生のうち６年を白昼夢を見て過ごしているって記事を読んでいたんだ。で、曲が終わったとき、オレはぼーっとしてて、自分の置かれた状況がわからなかた。「へ？ 何？　ここはどこ？　オレが何かしなきゃいけない状況？」 / I think that's irony. / Is it ? / That's hoisted by advertising, isn't it ? / I don't know. Is it hoisted by my own thoughts? Or is it life immitating art ? / それともこれは「人生は芸術を模倣する」ってやつかな / Or that. ... Yeah, it's all three. / Is that a coincidence ? / I don't know ... / The average Brit spends nearly six years of their life dayd ... dayd ... daydreaming, a study by a window firm revealed yesterday." ... Is that 'cause people look out of the windows? Why ... what has it got to do with the ... / it must be some ... / __ __ / __ strap line for an advert or something. / Huh, yeah, something, uh, something like that. Anyway ... / That's __ ... that's a year? ... six ... what is it ? Six ... / I don't know / ... years / down there / Six years, was it ? Yeah. / that's __ year __ that's the tenth of the time. / That's the average. __ ... I reckon you spend more than that. You're ... / Yeah. / ... you're a bit of a daydreamer, aren't you ? / Well, it depends on how much time you've got sitting on trains or ... you know, walking down the street, like ... __ __ / ... Walking down the street? / ... It depends on how much free time you've got. It governs it entirely how much you daydream because, when you're doing idle stuff, like ... even if you're cooking __ __ / I don't know. I think it depends on you job, doesn't it? It depends ... depends on how engaged you are in the job. / Yeah. / That's how much free time you've got / 自由時間がどれだけ多いかではなく、仕事にどれだけ集中しているかだ。集中していなければ、仕事をしながらでも白昼夢を見る。 / if you were classifying like pilots ... / Yeah. / ... then __ gotta be ... / They'd be low down the list, wouldn't they? / Yeah, yeah. / Yeah. ... People in a ... in a factory ... / Yeah, / ... pulling down a handle ... / Yeah, / ... that fills a pasty with meat ... and then, jjjjjjjjjjzzzjjj ... / __ question of __ __ / ... you release a pedal, and then it moves along next pasty, jjjjjjjjjj, / __ __ the handle, jjjjjjjjjjj, / __ release the pedal, jjjjjjjjj, next pasty, jjjjjjjjjjjjj ... Oh, it's tea time ... five hours later. / Yeah. "I've been daydreaming for four and a half ..."/ I've done those ... I've done that kinda job. I had to do a job in a ... in a ... in an Avon factory. That was my job. / Was it cosmetics? / this is it. This is it. Right? Get ready. ... yeah, cosmetics, yeah. Box would come out ... I ... I'd release a pedal, conveyor belt would stop, the box in front of me, ... pull down a load of toilet paper, stuff it in the box, zzzzzzzzzipp, zip it across the top, right? ... Press the pedal, conveyor belt would go along, ... / Huh, / ... I'd release the pedal, box would be there, I'd pull down a roll of toilet paper, stuff it in the box, zzzzzzip, seal the top up. ... Down with the pedal, __ __, the next box comes along ... / __ __ / ... Are you getting the picture? ... Pull down the ... pull down the paper ... / Why were you putting toilet paper in a box? / it wasn't, like, toilet paper. It was like big, brown, stuffy paper. You know, when you get a parcel these days ... everyone buys things on Amazon and other online delivery services / A box in a box, isn't it ? / You know, you get boxes in boxes and all sorts of, uh, weird little packaging things to, uh, puff everything out and keep everything, uh, safe and not damaged ... / Yeah, / ... it was that. I was stuffing it full with brown paper. / The box is doing that, sort of, anyway. I ... I got an Amazon parcel the other day. It was ... the thing is, it was in a perfectly good box, / Well ... / which was then put in a box ... / Well ... / ... and packed with ... / Look right there. What do you see there ? / Yeah, yeah, that exact thing. Yeah yeah yeah. / What do you see there? / I see ... I see a big ... / For the listeners. / a big brown cardboard box with ... / Right. / ... a load of brown paper, and then ... / sticking out of it / sticking out of it / Right. / and then normal boxes / but do you know why that is sat there in the middle of our lounge? It's bcause it is going back. Do you know why ? Do you know why, mate ? / You don't have enough brown paper? / No. The frying pan inside is bent. ... Go and get it. / What's it? Is it a bit like a wok? / It's ... no, it is a wok, but now it's ... more like a frying pan. It's more like a ... one-sided ... It's like a half-wok ... / Is it a half ... / ... crescent wok. ... That's what it is. __ __ ... / It's bent that way ? / Yeah ... yes. Instead of being round, like, uh ... it's ... it's dented on one side, so it slants, a crescent wok / A waxing gibbon. / Yeah. ... Is that what they call it? / That's a crescent moon, yeah. / What's a waxing gibbon? / A waxing gibbon is a ... a moon that's getting bigger, a crescent moon that is getting bigger, and a waning gibbon is a crescent moon that's getting smaller. / I don't believe any of that. / 三日月が大きくなったり小さくなったりするもんか。 / Yeah, it's true, yeah, yeah. / Why is it called a waxing gibbon? Is it something to do with bottoms? / なぜワックスだ？ ケツのムダ毛のお手入れにでも関係しているのか？ / I don't know. I don't know. ... I've no idea. ... Like, waning, I can understand, is getting smaller, right? / Yeah, / I don't know why waxing ... I don't know __ waxing or gibbon. I just know __ ... / Well, waxing and waning are opposites, aren't they ? / They must be. ... They ... yeah, they are. So, it ... it depends ... if ... if the moon is crescent and getting smaller, ... / Yeah? / ... it's waning. / ... The moon can't get any smaller than crescent, can it ? / No. But you know, it has various stages of crescent ... doesn't it? ... You've got the full ... / まず、満月があり ... / You've heard it here first, kids / __ the sliver __ / stick with the science show here on ... /__ __ __ pops his clogs (=dies) __ __ ... __ __ __ __ / ... the science show here on BBC Radio Wales. / But your wok is a waning gibbon, I suppose it __ __ / Yeah. I'll get my wok out in a minute. You can have a look how much my gibbon is waning. ... It's massively waning on one side __ __ / So, you're ... you're suggesting that all this __ctic packaging __ __ does nothing ? / No, no, I'm not at all. ... Well, actually, yeah, I suppose I am, in this instance, yeah, because that one did come with loads of brown paper wrapped around it, but my ... uh ... my wok's waxed ... or waned. ... My waning wok. / Your wok? / Yeah. ... Uh, so, that's what I used to do. ... That was about 8 hours a day __ __ __ __ in an Avon factory. Let me know if you've got a more boring job than that. / Well, I did ... I did some __ some __ job in a similar sort of, uh ... in a ... in a factory where PG T(ips) ... a big tea manufacturer / I think you've given it away, mate. / すでに会社名を言っちまってるよ。ごまかしても無駄だ。 / What's the point trying to get out of it now? No point. / something to do with monkeys / えー ... 猿関係の会社です / Well, I will not name. I will not name. / ... Other monkey-endorsed tea manufacturers are available, or whatever __ __ / 猿によって公式にサポートされている製茶会社は他にもあります / I don't think there are, actually / ねーよ / I don't think there are either, but, um ... / だね。 / I think that's __ / They had a giveaway where you got a packet of playing cards / そのティーバッグにはオマケとしてトランプがついていて / with a box of teabags. They were stuck on with, like, an 8-inch length of sellotape, ... / Yeah ? / ... and they were stuck on by ... by me. / No. / Yeah. ... Yeah, so, you get a box of tea bags appear in front of you, and then ... uh ... and then / was it on a conveyor belt and you'd control it with a pedal? / __ __ big __ __ there was no / mechanical __ like that. You just ... you've got a big box of the ... boxes of tea / Yeah, an unnamed tea brand / and / everyone had a different techniques / 人によってやり方が違った / you know, some people would take one out of the box, other people would pile up a cache of them first ... / Yeah? / ... and then, sort of, rifle through a box at a time / So, you were sellotaping a pack cards to the outside of ... / box / the box of tea bags / Yeah, yeah. / All day ? / All day. Yeah. / ... So, you were sellotaping a pack of ... a full pack of cards ... a deck? / A full pack, yeah, a deck, in a ... within a little box itself. So ... / within a little box itself / to a box of teabags? / Yeah. / I was stopping a conveyor belt and shoving a box full of brown paper, seal it __ __ and then move on to the next one ... / Yeah. / ... on a conveyor belt. ... 8 hours a day ... I was, uh ... Can anybody beat that ... / I remember __ __ / ... for the most boring job / __ we had __ like __ teabreak / Feature 1: Boring jobs / You know, I think __ ... you could ... you could ... you could definitely still smoke indoors when I was doing this. / 当時は屋内でタバコを吸っても全然平気な時代だった / You know, / teabreak room __ __ was, uh ... / you know, when you had a break, it was just like this smoky den / Yeah. / What were people doing there? Playing cards. / そこで皆が何をしていたかといえば ... トランプだ。 / No. / Of course __ __ / I'm ... I'm drinking tea, probably. ... They had it all there. ... It's all in front of them. / お茶はたっぷりあるから

Here we are, in my kitchen. It's me, uh, Rhod Gilbert, with, uh, Tom Wrigglesworth. He's here, for the first time in a very long time. Welcome back, Tom. / Thank you. Hello. / Was that it ? / No, no. I was just ... I was ... just glancing at an email whilst correcting __ __ pronunciation __, wasn't there? Well, not pronunciation. Just a word / You were told off. Well, apparently / in terms of the moon, it's not a gibbon. Did you think it was a waxing gibbon? / I think that's what I've just chosen to remember / Yeah. It was gibbous, apparently. / gibbous. a gibbous moon, or something, not a ... gibbon. / ... which makes __ perfect sense / Uh ... talking of, uh, bottoms ... / Yeah, / ... uh, last week, we had a very exciting feature, which was, what's, uh, what's a builder's bottom called where you live? I mean, I've had responses from all over the world, you know, little ... little, different, um ... you know, ... what do you call it? You know, variations, like ... um ... / genel and kinnel / ... uh ... that kinda thing. But look ... look at this. Uh ... I ... "I know you don't care, but next week ... " ... Huh, this came in this week, the 7th of November, that's today. "... I'll be listening live from my caravan/office in Melbourne in Australia." Uh ... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ... I've been to Wales. I know how to make faggots. ... blah blah blah blah blah ... um ... builder's bottom ... "In Australia, it's called plumber's bum. But it can be called "money box". / ... Interesting. / You mean the over-hanging ... that ... the ... / I ... I ... I mean the ... I mean the ... uh ... / classic / often unwelcome glimpse ... / Yeah, yeah. / ... of a ... a work person's derriere. / Cleft? / Yes. That's what I mean. ... "... In my hous ... in my house __ __ you insert a coin as you're going past. / ... Huh. So, good luck, uh, ... __ says, uh ... __ __. I don't know if __ __ a good luck __ __ / Maybe that's why they're doing it / sort of, like, you know, when you leave a stocking out for Santa Claus __ / ... Builders have just got used to / Do you think that's what workmen do, when they bend down underneath your sink and ... / ... reveal a little more than you'd like? / Yeah. / It's ... basically, it's, uh, feed the horse__ / stick a ... stick a penny in the slot / it's the equivalent to that little silver tray in posh pubs, where you're supposed to leave a tip. / I see a builder's ... uh ... every day as I'm married to a plasterer.", says Tracey Davis in Brighton. "I'm always telling him to pull his trousers up." / つまり、作業員にとってのケツ見せは、クリスマスに寝室に靴下をぶら下げておくのと同じなんだ / なるほど、人んちの台所へ修繕に行って、かがんだときにことさらにケツが出るようにするのは、そこにチップを入れて欲しいからか。 / ちょっと高級なパブとかでチップ用に置いてある銀のお皿みたいなもんだ / ダンナが左官なもんで、ソレを毎日のように見てます。ズボンを上げなさいよっていつも言うんですけど。/ Um ... "To add to your Builder's Cleavage feature ..." This is from Eric Perez in Venezuela ... or originally from, uh, Venezuela. Uh ... "It's known as "showing one's alcancía" ... Huh. / Alcancía? / ... showing one's alcancía, which translates in English ... huh, look at this. It's "piggy bank". / ... Wow. / "The term clearly references to the slot where money goes ... surroun ..." What? "... surrounded by a sea of ham." ... What? / Oh, is that ... that ... yeah ... some sort of porky mo ... money bank. / I've never personally slipped a fiver down a plumber's trousers, but, considering this, it's surely food for thought now." ... I don't __ __ __ I'd be interested to know / so, __ ... clearly, obviously / out there / there is some, at least, some notion of it being a sort of money box or that kind of ... / not money box. It's / piggy bank. It's from ... like, / Yeah, yeah. It's from the big, fleshy ... back of a pig, isn't it? / あのケツを何かお金を貯める箱になぞらえる文化が確かにある / いや、貯金箱なら何でもいいわけじゃなくて、豚の貯金箱だよ / Yeah. ... But ... / ... or just a __ / __ what I wanna know is, ... what we haven't heard from yet, is ... if there __ any laborers out there, or plasterers or workmen or work people ... men, women, whatever, in their trades ... have you ever had anyone who does pop money in there? / __ __ __ / Do you declare it? / Do you declare ... / "Do you declare it?" is definitely the __ we __ get to on this. ... / if ... are you are a laborer? , have you ever had money ... / box on / yeah / have you ever had somebody pop money in there? And, does it go on your tax return ? Absolutely. Or is it seen as ... like ... uh ... some kind of gratuity that doesn't need to go ... the tips ... do tips go on your tax return? / I don't know. I've never had one / Gratuitus gratuity. / I don't know. Um ... Look at this. In ... Where's Niigata? / No idea. / We'd better look it up. Can you look it up, mate? / Yeah. / Niigata. ... I don't know where it is. Um ... / Sounds very exotic. / Well, it does sound ... But Melody in Niigata says, "Sadly I've never seen one." ... Huh. / Huh. That's a real cultural miss-out, innit? ... that. You've never seen a ... never seen a builder's bottom? ... "Sadly, I've never seen one ... because trades-people here wear under-shirts tucked into their slacks. / Um ... It's in Japan, apparently. I've just been informed by the production team there. / OK. / So, in Japan, trade people wear undershirts tucked into their slacks, and then jackets over the shirts. They're very polite. Not only do they leave their shoes in the vestibule, as is customay when they come in, they clean up the work area very nicely after them. I checked my translation software, and I could find no equivalent of 'plumber's crack'.", says Melody in Niigata. ... So, no ... nothing in Japan. It doesn't exist at all. / Now __ __ were, like ... uh ... uh ... body __ / ... Hey, listen, plumbers in Japan, you could be ... you could be missing out a load of tips. / Yeah, yeah, you could. / Oh, no, get your trousers down. You could be losing a fortune. Get your pants down, guys. ... "Rhod, I'm a long-time podcast listener, listening live for the first time today. The reason I'm listening is to investigate a possible violation of the Trade Descriptions Act 1968. You introduce your podcast as "some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show", therefore implying there are so many good bits in your live show that you cannot fit them them all into a podcast. I have doubts about this. Best Regards, Craig Nixon from Durham." / Huh. / "Rhod ..." Actually ... / and he said another one, "Rhod, actually, ignore that last email. My wife wants to go shopping, so I won't have time to carry out my investigation today. Some other time, maybe. Craig Nixon from Durham. / 今日、私はあなたの番組をポッドキャストではなく生放送で聴いてみるつもりだ。というのは、あなたはいつもポッドキャストの冒頭で「番組で面白かったところの一部をおとどけします。」と言っている。これは、生放送では面白い箇所がたくさんありすぎてとても全部はポッドキャストに収めきれない、ということを暗に示唆する発言だ。しかし本当にそうなのか。私は、これは1968年制定の商品表示法に違反している可能性があると思うに至り、しかるに本日 ... ちょっと待って。女房が買い物に行きたいって言ってるからまた今度にするね。

The truth is, I've half-moved to the Peak district, right? / How have you half-moved to the Peak district? / Well, as you know, __ __ __ ... / __ __ got halfway there and stopped in Northampton? / Yeah ... yeah. ... __ __ Milton Keynes, basically. ... / ... So, you've moved from London to the Peaks? / Yeah. So ... we ... yeah. __ __ I spend half my time down here and half my time up there / Right. / it makes a brilliant contrast ... / Yeah. / ... a contrast that is illuminated by something like this. There ... there was ... um ... there was ... um ... there was one of those awful boards that went up __ near where I live __ in the East End / Yeah? / Uh ... you know. / This is __ __ __ the East End of London? / East End of London, yeah. ... And it was like, uh, ... "Robbery", you know, there was a robbery somewhere __ __ / and, uh ... "Did you witness ...?" / witness, witness, uh, / Yeah / appeal. Exactly. Yeah. Appeal for witnesses for something, uh, you know, / horrible / horrible / Um ... anyway, in ... uh ... where I live in the countryside, uh, there's a little gate that leads on to, uh, paths and everything, and someone had laminated a sign and then stuck it on the gate, and it said, uh ... "If anyone finds a camera battery, can you try to __ __ ... / No. / __ __ ... yeah. / No. / ... and that's the difference __ ... I love it, __ like, people ... they ... they ... that might get found ... they hope. You know, / Yeah. / there's hope. ... __, if you've lost a camera bag in London, / Uh ... / you would not have gone plastering signs of "Witness". ... __ __ I hope he'll find it. / Uh ... "Morning, Rhod and Tom. I had a job checking salad leaves once they'd been packed. I was just looking at bags of salad and seeing if any leaves in the bag were brown. / Huh ... god. ... You ... that ... you know, bless you for doing that because, ... / Yeah, /... uh ... there's nothing wrong ... / Yeah. / Someone's gotta do it. / Someone's gotta do it, yeah. / Please say hi to my boys / You would have thought, though, ... they would do it before they get put in the bag. ... Do you know what I mean? If you just moved / Yeah. Why didn't you / bag / brown leaf expert, which he probably was / if / brown leaf from green leaf / from a red leaf / his rocket from his, uh, gem / Yeah, yeah. / from his iceberg / from his iceberg, yeah / ... from his cos ... why didn't he ... why wouldn't you check it __ ... / Move it further up in the production line. / Gav Bough in Newcastle, can you ... I know you say "Please say hello to my boys, __ and __ ... good name__ __ __ and __, two of your youngest podcast listeners at seven and three, respectively." ... Gav, why didn't you look at them before they go into their bags? Talk about ... it's like ... it's a bit like saying ... / the horse has bolted / doors __ / Yeah. it's a bit like, "My job was to ... uh ... go around the fields and see if any, uh, horses have bolted ... __ __ local areas, even if all the horses / bolted from the stable / checking empty stable doors / Yeah. ... Yeah, / my job wasn't locking the stable door. My job, stick around the fields to see if anybody's horses have bolted. ... Why didn't you look at them before they went into their bag, Gav, huh? ... Get back in touch, please, Gav. Uh ... "Rhod, ..." Hey, boring jobs. / Huh huh. / "I once had a job putting the tops on to the shower gel bottles as they passed on a conveyor belt. My colleague would then tap them on with a mallet. / ... Why isn't that one job? / Yeah. / So, you __ __ __ team them up, and ... / and then your partner, / Yeah, /... your partner / Yeah, / __ sit and give them a tap with a mallet / And, would you reckon / probably ... they probably had a similar relationship to a golfer and his caddy? / Yeah ... / Do you know what I mean? __ __ __ ... sort of / they might have moved to a different bottling plant if they __ __ ... / they'd come as a team / __, yeah / take me, __, take John / __ st__ff, yeah. / If you want me ... if you want me ... I'm the best. If you want me, you've got to take Bob / __ Ian on the mallet. I ... I won't __ __ anything / 俺たちにはどんなキャップだってしっかりと嵌めてやるぜ / Why did ... G__, why didn't you __ __ __ one person's job __ __ __ __ one hand, bang, one hand, __ __ / on with / bang with the right / __ __ __ __ __ myself __ __ __ /__ __ interested / __ absolutely / you need to ... that's what __ __ need to do in jobs __ ... __ __ __ __ __ __ ... you'd have to find your own little games in __ little ... that's a good feature, right ? As a ... __ / boring job / Uh ... yeah / __ __ / it's ... it's ... improvising, uh, making jobs ... boring jobs more interesting by doing, uh, little things, little games ... your little ways you, uh, create in your own head, of, uh ... to get through the day ... innit? ... / 頭の中でできるちょっとしたゲームというかチャレンジ / That's a good feature, that. ... / so, __ you / this one __ hammer __ defeat __ __ / that kinda thing, yeah. They __ put __ m__ / in / mouth __ __ __ __ things like that. ... Uh ... / ... colleague would then tap them on with a mallet .. At our ... At our peak ..." Huh, here we go. This is exactly what I'm talking about. "... At our peak, we could do 40 a minute." / この連携プレーで、私たちは最高で一分間に 40 個さばいたものです。

We're still looking for Gav to get back in touch and ... uh ... and tell us why, when he was checking salad leaves in the bag, why didn't __ check __ before they put them in the bag / pre-bagged check / that ... that's a sort of, um, money-saving hack, that, uh ... / Yeah? / You may have heard __ __ the guy with the matchbox, __n't __? / the ... the ... is it an apocryphal tale? I don't know ... __ somebody / went to a matchbox factory / said, "Why not / put the, uh, / strip of sandpaper __ one side and save yourself billions. / Well, __ no. __ I heard, he said / __ worked there, and __ said / I can save you, uh, like, a million pounds a year or something if you give me a hundred thousand pounds. But I'm telling you what it is until you give me a hundred thousand pounds / What? You ... Well, no, that wouldn't have worked / Yeah yeah yeah. So ... / No, that wouldn't have worked, mate. "I'm not telling you what / what boss's gonna go, "All right. Here's a hundred grand. What is it? / 「ようしわかった。ほら、10 万ポンドやる。で、そのアイデアとは何だ？」 ... なんて言うボスがいるわけないだろ。 / if he doesn't / again / if he doesn't / He did this last week. / お金をはらってから、実はその案がくだらないジョークだったら、もう遅いだろ / __ __ __ __ tricky __ __ waiting __ __ all __ __ our people / You mean, before they'd agreed that, if they did save __ million pounds / you would get a hundred grand / Yeah. Is that what happened ? / But he, kind of, / a little bit, I believe, yeah / Did he ? / Yeah. / What? __ __ __ not telling you, not telling you / Absolutely. Until you've agreed to give / if it works. / If it works, you / agree__ to give me that / anyone else / done that / was that even a true story / Um ... / __ __ only __ one side. / But Gav could do that with his lettuce, couldn't he? / Yeah, exactly. / He could save them ... / I could save you ... / "I could save you ... / ... two icebergs a year. / I can save you ... save you ... two or three full lettuce per year ... / Yeah. / ... per annum ... / Yeah. / ... and all I want in exchange is ... what? ... a cucumber ... half a cucumber? ... A slice of red pepper? ... / 私の言う通りにすれば、年間、レタスをまるまる一個分節約できます。私への成功報酬としては ... そうですね ... キュウリ一本で手を打ちましょう。 / Um ... "In a toy factory, I tested machine guns for three months." ... / That sounds good. / Sounds all right, that. / Yeah. / __ __ toy ... toy machine guns? What ... what __ __ / yes ... yes, toy machine gun, of course. / Yeah / __ __ __ __ machine guns in a toy factory, mate. ... Uh ... "At the DVL__..." ... the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency ... Uh ... "I date-stamped envelopes for three months." / That's in Swansea, though, isn't it? / I think __ is, yeah. "I / date-stamped / in this country, but. ... "I date-stamped envelopes for three months. Luckily, the __ __ __ my social life. All __ nice fun people to work with. / uh ... that's ... uh ... / I'll leave, uh, I'll leave their names out just in case they get __ sack / Yeah. / you've got to watch out for things like that, haven't you? You / name on it / person, but let me, uh, let ... let me protect you from ... / __, It is very noble of you. / It is, innit? Yeah, it is very forward-thinking of, uh, of me there. Uh ... what else .... We're looking for boring jobs. ... Tom is looking for ... his features are ... and I ... I ... they haven't got a lot on this yet, Tom. / Nuh, but I / slow burners, all of them / これらのお題は火がつくのに時間がかかるものばかりだ / definitely slow burners. ... __ __s and __s / unspoken __ship / Yeah. ... Group __ __ __ __ / Yeah. Unspoken. / Unspoken. / yeah / things you don't mention but __ __ be just trying to outdo each other / poker __ like hot c__s ... that kinda thing. / どっちがポーカーが強いかとか、どっちがより辛いカレーを食えるかとか、そういったことだ / Uh ... and __ instances / made it worth / I'll tell you what __ __ grand total of no correspondence / Well / Mr. Feature / I've got / Captain Features / I've gotta unleash __ __ feature / You've got another feature? / Yeah yeah yeah. It's just dawned on me a bit __ __ really something / Mate, this is desparate / I went to ... / desparate stuff __ __ / I needed / Captain Features / I ... I needed a USB cable the other day, / Yeah, / for ... for charging of ... uh ... / Is that it ? Have you ever needed a USB cable? / それがお題か？ 「USB ケーブルが必要になったことはあるか？」 / No, that's not it ... charging up a ... a ... a phone. / Yeah. Let's call it a phone. / ... went to ... a ... high-street electronic shop__ beginning with "M" / Yeah. / __ __ __ that? / Yeah. / um ... / ... Shops beginning with other letters are available. / 名前が M で始まる店で ... / ほかの字で始まる店もございます / ... Yeah. ... Basically, went to the shop for a USB cable / went to the shop for a USB cable, / came out with a drone. ... I bought a drone, Rhod, like, for __ aerial photography. It's amazing __ __ __ P__ district / went in for a USB cable / came out with a drone ? / Yeah. ... Irony was, when I unpacked the drone, __ had a USB cable in it. / ... Why did you buy a drone? / 'Cause I, kind of, half wanted one. / You are not a government. / No, but it's __ perfect aerial ... / you are not Google Earth. What are you doing? / __ aerial ... aeriel photos. It's brilliant. / Is it? / Yeah. ... Oh yeah yeah yeah. / but you __ __ ... you've got nowhere, mate. You haven't got a license / pilot's ... drone license and stuff / form / have you got a drone license? / __ __ __ drone license for messing about. But if you do anything ... / you don't / messing about / Yeah. But / Unbelievable. / I think / fine / so ... to be honest, they're getting ... they're getting affordable now. ... So, I reckon ... / __ __ __ drone? / I mean, it's several hundred pounds. / Yeah? / You can spend a lot of money on them, / Yeah. / but, uh, they're ... they're ... they're within ... like ... you know ... / So, what does it do ? ... __ __ __ __, like, a little remote control __ __ / Yeah. / __ __ remote control __, and you put smartphone on ... / Yeah? / ... and then the drone flies about, and you can see ... __ __ / What? __ __ like __ attach a camera to it, like ... / Yeah. The camera's on there already, yeah. / It's ... it's got a camera? / Yeah. It's absolutely amazing. / What have you been taking the pictures of? / uh / so far, I've been practicing / flying in the park and stuff, / Yeah, / you can do ... you can, basically, / What have you hit so far? What have you ... what have you demolished? / ほう。ドローンを買ったと。で、今まで何にぶつかった？ 何を壊した？ / I've ... I've ... I've landed it badly once / Have you? / in a sort of, yeah. / but I __ __ or anything. ... You can, basically, easily repro ... recreate the, um, opening scene to Emmerdale Farm. / Well, I'll tell you what. / that's / If that doesn't __ a lift ... a ... an uplift in the sales of drones for Christmas / that / looking ... / looking for / when you get something for a person who's got everything, I'll tell you what you get him. ... You get him a drone for Christmas so they can recreate the opening scenes from the Emmerdale ... I can't even picture it. Presumably __ __ swooping / countryside / Yeah, exactly. ... __ __ but, my point is, when__ you / been up-sold / アップセールスにのせられて買い物をしたことはあるか？ / that ... that ... that is my big ... / Oh, you were up-sold? / of course I was / USB cable / came out with flippin' drone. / I didn't realize there was somebody else responsible for that ... for that ... for that change of mind. / __ __ __ loitering around the drone department ... you know, I mean, it was partly ... I was giving the ... uh ... / You have got a look of a man who's a __ for a gadget. / Yeah, yeah, I totally am / I didn't go in there for a drone, did I? But I came out with one. So, that's the feature. / というわけで、これがお題。 / up and / Hello, sir. Can I ask you a question ? / Do you like __ __ ... / Have you seen the opening credits of Emmerdale Farm ... Can I just stop you there for two minutes of your time, sir? Have you ever wished ... have you ever watched the beginning __ __ __ / Huh. I wish I could do that. / But you must ... you must ... / Why don't you watch the Emmerdale Farm instead ? / Because that's not, uh, that's not the same, is it? ... you know. ... I don't know wh__ __ __ on. / It's easier just to buy a drone / try__ to recreate the opening / much easier / so ... so, I thought / I'm still in shock __ I bought it __ __ don't get me wrong. / Yeah. / But it's wonderful. / エマデールファームのオープニングが見たいならテレビで見りゃいいじゃねーか。/ 番組表をチェックするのも面倒だし / そうだよな。それより自分でドローンを飛ばして似たようなシーンを撮るほうが簡単だよな。 / 言っておくが、後悔している。 / ふむ。 / でも、いい買い物をしたなあ。

Gav in Newcastle is back, Tom. ... Boring jobs. / Is he? / Now, earlier on, Gav said he used to work in a ... in a ... well, somewhere, where his job was to pick up bags of lettuce and see if there were any brown, gone-off leaves in there. / Yeah. / And we __ __ a question. ... Well, we asked why / before they went into the bag / horses / stable / bolted / and stable / all that. / Yeah. / Uh ... Gav __ says, "I don't know. ... I don't know why. I was placed down at the end of the conveyor belt. I wondered that, too." ... it says ... "I even asked. I never got an answer." ... There's a lot of you coming in with, uh, with jobs, uh, checking things. This is ... um ... checking peas on a conveyor belt ... / Wow. / ... before ...", she says, / yes, /... before they went in the tins. / Much more sensible. / Absolutely / it'd be difficult with tins once __ __ ... / "... was very briefly more interesting when there was a dead fox amongst the peas." / says / says / Dead fox? / Dead fox. ... / That's a good job you were checking. I hope ... / Yeah. / ... I hope you were awake at that point / Yeah. / instead of saying, "Pea, pea, pea / fox / pea ... oh, hang on a minute. __ __ __ __ ... Did I just say "fox"? Wow wow wow, stop the conveyor belt. ... Stop the belt. Fox in the peas. / Fox in the peas. / __ __ ... that's how __ fox amongst the peas. ... uh ... fox ... I don't know ... yeah. I mean ... / __ __ __ ... you'd have thought that / 'd have stopped way before that. I ... I don't even know how peas are ... like ... / What? / shed light / I don't even know ... what are peas? / How did that ... / How did that ...? ... Pea, pea, pea, fox, pea, pea ... / 実は私も疑問に思ってたんです。/ 実は尋ねてみたこともあるんですが、ちゃんと答えてもらえませんでした。/ 缶に入れる前にチェックか。もっともだ。缶に入れた後では難しいだろうな。 / ほほう。狐が混ざっていたか。やっぱり点検というのは必要なものだな。/ そのとき居眠りしてなくて何よりだ。/ 豆、豆、豆、豆、豆、豆、狐、豆、豆 ... ちょっと待った。オレ、今「狐」って言った？　おーい、コンベヤを止めてくれ。/ コンベヤに狐が乗ってるのを、それまで誰も気付かなかったのか？/ 豆って何？

We've got an update from ... it's kind of linked to worst jobs, uh, for which we've got loads on / Yeah, / And this is from Lucky Two __ in M__ / there's no ... there's no ... there's no name. / Huh. / Anyway, __ says, "I didn't actually get to do it, ... / Yeah? / ... but, uh, they were once sent for an interview ... / Yeah? / ... as chairman of the International Monetary Fund, due to ... due to a mix-up at the job center. / ... Did you say they actually went to the interview? / It says they went to the interview. / Oh my god. / ... It says that they ... they ... they weren't suited to the job __ __ __ __ __ it came __ __ __ very quickly / they weren't suited to the job / Are you telling me, this person, from M__ in Swansea in __ __, went to, uh, went to __ job interview / __ __ __ economic t__ / ... turned up __ the job ... went to the job center, got an interview ... probably ... probably putting out, put __ suit on, went for __ interview / interview / who would sit there / Mark __, George Osborne ... Merkel ... __ __ __ / __ __ __ amazing / Tell us, why __ __ __ __ five years time, Jonathan / ジョナサン、今回は残念だが、どうだね、５年後に再会しようじゃないか。 / s__ing and socializing ... uh ... good with people. / How far ... I wanna ... give me this email. "I didn't actually get to do the job" ... Well, no? Really? ... "Guess what. I am now __ head of __ International Monetary Fund / IMF / 不運にも採用とはなりませんでしたが、って ... / I didn't actually get to do it, but __ __ __ __ __ chairman of the International Monetary Fund due to a mix-up / job center / I wasn't suited to the job. I think / due to / drinking pretty heavily the night before and I smelt of Drambuie. ... I __ think that's probably why you didn't get the job, ... __ the head of the IMF __ __ smelt of Drambuie / They were probably thinking, "This guy ... this guy stinks of a ... of a ... sort of, 1980's ... / Yeah / __ __ __ __ Cinzano Bianco / I can__ / Is that Drambuie I can smell __ his breath? ... / I don't care if it's __ economic whiskey / 経済的なウイスキーだか知らないが / we can't have him. / I don't think that's why you didn't get the job, mate. / 面接に落ちたのは酒臭かったからじゃないと思うよ。 / ... 'cause / smelt / I don't think you would have m__ed through the interview otherwise. ... / 酒臭くなかったら何とかその面接に受かって IMF の議長職に就けたかというと ... それは考えにくい / Can anybody beat that, being sent to a wrong interview 'cause of a mix-up at the job center / chaiman of the IMF, ... that will never be topped, I don't think. Full marks. / 職探しをしていて、手違いでとんでもない面接に行かされたことは？　いや、やめとこう。IMF 議長を超えるものはありそうにない。

And if you enjoyed that, why not listen to the whole show ? Rhod Gilbert live on Saturday mornings, BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

よろしければこちらもどうぞ↓

Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits エピソード・リスト